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  • Posted December 3, 2018

When You Go Through Hell

Life can often feel overwhelming and unfair, made worse by platitudes from well-meaning friends and family. After all – what could they possibly know of what you’re going through, how do they know everything is going to be ok? They don’t know what it’s like – they’ve never had anything like this happen to them!

I know I’ve had these thoughts on many occasions, they didn’t stop after my wife died. Recently I pushed through a really dark spot, and although I never saw the result coming (we seldom do) I’ve been very happy with how things have turned out. And despite my wishes I didn’t experience what I went through, I feel it’s made me a better person (as is so often the case in my opinion).

So why do some of us wallow in our misery? Have you, or have you known someone, who just can’t seem to get their legs under them? Wave after wave knocks them over, sometimes when they are so close to getting out they can almost taste it. Though they may not ask, may even fight you when you offer, in many situations they need help.

Pride is vicious. Our egos get in our way – they prevent us from owning our mistakes, opening the door to worse problems. Life is not rainbows and unicorns all the time, if it were think how gray it would be – we’d have nothing to compare it to. Life is going to happen.

When it does you can either embrace it, understanding nothing lasts forever as long as you are taking measures to change your situation; or you can do nothing and wait for it to pass. Other than when I get a bug or cold, I have not had much luck with the negatives in life just passing. When I do nothing I find myself sinking deeper – I need to take action; and I would wager it’s probably the same for most of us.

So when life hits you in the face and you feel all is lost, take a moment to really take stock of your situation. Change your self-talk, by focusing on at least one positive thing happening in your life – be it your health, reliability of friends, the job giving you an income, etc. Please don’t fall into the self-pity trap, feeling worthless or alone. Or when/if you do, reach out to a friend. Put things in place when life is good, so friends know what to look for and when to help.