I’ve found it can be incredibly difficult to plan for the long term, with all the noise and distractions vying for your attention in the short term. Something always seems to come up, tempting you by its immediacy. It’s because of this I think it’s critical we have a deep understanding about the what, when and why of our long term goals.
A common example I’ve been helping people with is where they want to live when their child is older. Understandably they don’t want to move while the child is in school, because of the possible disruption it could create. However, if they are considering a move to another State they could be hurting themselves by waiting; because most, if not all, States have transitioning youth funds set aside for young adults leaving High School at 21. Waiver programs are designed to give students automatic head of the line privileges; but this will not apply to someone who moves into the State after High School – they will have to wait.
The “noise” is people with good intentions encouraging the parents to stay, reinforcing the parents’ belief it’s what’s best for the child. And it very well may be, but it should be weighed against the need for continuing services after High School. There is also fear of the unknown – how will my child react, what will the school be like, etc. It’s a lot to handle, especially if you have other children and/or are a single parent – you don’t have to do it alone; there are organizations and professionals who can help.
I’m using one example, focusing on a family who has a child with Special Needs making a move; but taking the long view is just as relevant when considering whether to buy or rent (a house), when to take social security, when to retire, etc. Take some time to yourself, away from distractions, and think about what you want and where you see yourself in 20 – 30 years. Then back into it, how are you going to get there?
Write it down – it’s not meant to be set in stone, but having a written record will help you when those crises occur and you need to make an immediate decision. In the heat of the moment it’s unreasonable to expect yourself to be able to think about the future; but you should absolutely be able to look at what you had written and use it to help ground you. You may not change your mind about what needs to be done, but you’re no longer operating purely on emotion. Practice with routine decisions, so you build the habit and muscle memory kicks in when the poop hits the fan. I’m here if you need/want help.